Socialism - The Key to Excess!

The Labour Party wax lyrical about the benefits of Socialism, the need to bring back equality, the need for a more balanced society. All ‘pie-in-the-sky I’m afraid. Socialism in all its forms always hurts the very people whom it purports to protect. 

Stalin built the Soviet Socialist Republic in the name of Socialism but in order to do so he killed millions of his own countrymen and women in the process. The utopian ideal of everyone being equal is excellent but impossible to achieve. To use the old adage, “there will always be someone who is more equal than others”. Therein lies the rub, human greed and envy. To achieve equality you must work as hard as the next person in order to get parity. Unfortunately human beings are not all born equal, some are lucky enough to be born into great wealth and privilege, others are born with an inmate sense of belief in their ability to reach the top in what ever profession they aspire to. Still others are blessed with skills but no ambition. 

Forcing equality upon a nation only succeeds in making everyone as poor and dependent upon the State as his fellow countryman or woman. The result is apathy and it is this apathy that the State feeds on. It is easy when you control the money, the food, housing et al to control the minds of the people that you are ruling. Stalin, Mao and Castro all used this and in so doing instilled fear and suspicion of ones neighbours. Pretty soon, son was informing on father, brother on brother, niece on uncle, all to gain that extra bit of kudos from their Masters with the hope of rising in the ‘pecking order’.

Labour supporters will tell you that what I have described is Communism which is a far cry from the Socialism that they preach on the doorstep. However let us look at the definitions of the two theories:                                                                                                 Communism;  A theory or system of social organisation in which all property is owned by the community and each person contributes and receives according to their ability and need.                     Socialism; a political and economic theory of social organisation which advocates that the means of production, distribution and exchange should be owned by or regulated by the community as a whole.                                                                                           However, in Marxist theory socialism is a transitional state between the overthrow of capitalism and the realisation of communism.

So, a very this line indeed and one that Labour under Jeremy Corbyn have shaved ever thinner. Given that Corbyn wins his bid for leadership of the Labour Party, expect him to pull right away from the social democratic stance of 'New Labour' and veer ever more towards the far Left.

To say that the Labour Party employs the ‘politics of envy’ would be a lie. Most of the leading lights in the Party are millionaires so I would suggest that, rather than envy, they practice the ‘politics of hypocrisy’.  It is quite noble to sit on the moral high ground looking out at the underprivileged and the homeless, viewing the detritus in the wake of Capitalist enterprise. It must feel even more noble to eulogies about the plight of these people on the radio or TV. However, what follows is much less noble, drinks in the Green Room before being whisked off home or to the next media event in a chaffer-driven limousine. The irony completely lost because they are on a mission of mercy.

It is beyond sad that these people actually believe that they are giving a service to the communities of which they serve. As Churchill famously said, “Socialism is a philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance, and the gospel of envy, its inherent virtue is the equal sharing of misery.”

Corbyn has released his manifesto for a fairer society:

1) Full employment and an economy that works for all:

We will create a million good quality jobs across our regions and nations and guarantee a decent job for all. By investing £500 billion in infrastructure, manufacturing and new industries backed up by a publicly-owned National Investment Bank and regional banks we will build a high skilled, high tech, low carbon economy that ends austerity and leaves no one and nowhere left behind. We will invest in the high speed broadband, energy, transport and homes that our country needs and allow good businesses to thrive, and support a new generation of co-operative enterprises. 

2) A secure homes guarantee:

We will build a million new homes in five years, with at least half a million council homes, through our public investment strategy. We will end insecurity for private renters by introducing rent controls, secure tenancies and a charter of private tenants’ rights, and increase access to affordable home ownership.

3) Security at work:

We will give people stronger employment rights from day one in a job, end exploitative zero hours contracts and create new sectoral collective bargaining rights, including mandatory collective bargaining for companies with 250 or more employees. We will create new employment and trade union rights to bring security to the workplace and win better pay and conditions for everyone. We will strengthen working people’s representation at work and the ability of trade unions to organise so that working people have a real voice at work. And we will put the defence of social and employment rights,as well as action against undercutting of pay and conditions through the exploitation of migrant labour, at the centre of the Brexit negotiations agenda for a new relationship with Europe.

4) Secure our NHS and social care:

We will end health service privatisation and bring services into a secure, publicly-provided NHS. We will integrate the NHS and social care for older and disabled people, funding dignity across the board and ensure parity for mental health services.

5) A national education service, open to all:

We will build a new National Education Service, open to all throughout their lives. We will create universal public childcare to give all children a good start in life, allowing greater sharing of caring responsibilities and removing barriers to women participating in the labour market. We will bring about the progressive restoration of free education for all; and guarantee quality apprenticeships and adult skills training.

6) Action to secure our environment: 

We will act to protect the future of our planet, with social justice at the heart of our environment policies, and take our fair share of action to meet the Paris climate agreement - starting by getting on track with our Climate Change Act goals. We will accelerate the transition to a low-carbon economy, and drive the expansion of the green industries and jobs of the future, using our National Investment Bank to invest in public and community-owned renewable energy. We will deliver clean energy and curb energy bill rises for households - energy for the 60 million, not the big 6 energy companies. We will defend and extend the environmental protections gained from the EU. 

7) Put the public back into our economy and services:

We will rebuild public services and expand democratic participation, put the public back into our economy, give people a real say in their local communities, and increase local and regional democracy. We will rebuild our economy with public investment to deliver wealth for all, across our regions and nations in a genuinely mixed economy.  We will act to ‘insource’ our public and local council services,increase access to leisure, arts and sports across the country and expand our publicly-controlled bus network. We will bring our railways into public ownership and build democratic social control over our energy. 

8) Cut income and wealth inequality:

We will build a progressive tax system so that wealth and the highest earners are fairly taxed, act against executive pay excess and shrink the gap between the highest and lowest paid - FTSE 100 CEOs are now paid 183 times the wage of the average UK worker, and Britain’s wages are the most unequal in Europe. We will act to create a more equal society, boost the incomes of the poorest and close the gender pay gap. 

9) Action to secure an equal society:

We will ensure that the human rights of all citizens are respected and all are protected from discrimination and prejudice. We will take action to tackle violence against women and girls, racism and discrimination on the basis of faith, and secure real equality for LGBT and disabled people. We will defend the Human Rights Act and we will guarantee full rights for EU citizens living and working in Britain – and not allow them to be used as pawns in Brexit negotiations. 

10) Peace and justice at the heart of foreign policy:

We will put conflict resolution and human rights at the heart of foreign policy, commit to working through the United Nations, end support for aggressive wars of intervention and back effective action to alleviate the refugee crisis. British foreign policy has long failed to be either truly independent or internationally cooperative, making the country less safe and reducing our diplomatic and moral authority. We will build human rights and social justice into trade policy, honour our international treaty obligations on nuclear disarmament and encourage others to do the same.

It makes for very good reading, the sort of manifesto that would appeal to all but those with a brain. It is when you actually study the content that you realise that this is a manifesto borne on the assumption that those who earn high salaries will pay dearly for those not so fortunate and for the infrastructure and services that Corbyn wants to obtain.

He will invest £500 billion in infrastructure, manufacturing and new industries, add this to the money he will need for his full employment scheme, his house building programme, his national education service, etc, etc and then add that to parts 6 - 10 of his manifesto and you soon realise that taxing the better off, (pre-supposing that they would stay in this country to see all their hard earned wages stolen by a greedy hard Left set of loons), will not go nearly far enough to pay for all of this.                                                                                                                          Once again Labour have employed the carrot and stick approach to politics. It looks good on paper, sounds even better when delivered from the lectern but in reality, like all Labour schemes, it is unworkable and will leave the country bankrupt. Echoes of the last Labour government under Gordon Brown.

Margaret Thatcher got it right when she said of Socialism; “it works fine until you run out of other people’s money!” 

ETON MESS

One could be excused for believing that we have just held a referendum in this country on our membership of the EU. All the indications are that, even though the majority voted to leave the insidious institution that is the European Union, our politicians and all those still reliant upon the EU gravy train are doing all in their power to defy the will of the people. 

The Etonian bully boys, Cameron and Osborne have left the country in a mess, so confident of winning the referendum that they made no contingency plans should they lose. Their campaign of fear and smear still lingers on, perpetuated by dinosaurs like Ken Clarke and free-loaders such as Nick Clegg and Tim Farron. 

Cameron, still believing in his own propaganda concerning the EU, took the cowards way out and resigned. He had promised, (another of those cast-iron promises) to go to Brussels the day after the referendum result and invoke Article 50 of the Lisbon Treaty should the vote not go his way.  Theresa May, given Office by a spiteful and panicked Conservative government of Europhiles, should have done as Cameron had promised and beat a retreat to Brussels, as fast as her Jimmy Choo’s would let her, to invoke said Article. By not doing so she has opened a can of worms and her statement that “BREXIT means BREXIT” seems rather meaningless. The Jury, as they say, is still out! 

We now have to wait for a High Court decision on the legality of the Prime Ministers power to invoke A50 without the say so of parliament. A court action brought by ex-Pats who, whilst living the good life on the European Continent, still lay claim to all of the benefits of being British and see their particular gravy train being derailed by our exit. 

Listening to the BBC and the other MSM outlets one would believe that had it not been for the vote to BREXIT all would be well in the world. What complete and utter rubbish! The European Union is a failure, like Socialism the concept is good but impractical. One could be forgiven for believing that the EU was modelled upon the NHS, a burgeoning bureaucracy bedevilled by incompetence and overpaid unelected senior staff who see the whole system as their own personal pension fund whilst the rest of us ride on a second-hand tumbril to our own misery. 

Never has there been a better time for a new direction and a firm grip of the present political situation in which this country finds itself. UKIP, having driven the government to hold a referendum must now complete the mission and make sure that the will of the people is carried out. Easy to say but remember a few years ago the same was being said about the idea of holding a referendum. 

Everything is possible if, as Nigel Farage has often said, ‘enough little people get together and take on the Establishment’. The one UK Independence Party MP is, at best, part-time UKIP so it is down to the four hundred plus UKIP Councillors throughout the country who have the ear of thousands of “little people” to make the difference. Aided by the hundreds of UKIP Branches and members throughout this great land of ours. 

May v The Will of The People

It is becoming increasingly obvious that the excitement of having Mrs May at the helm is swiftly turning to dismay. The longer she holds out on the triggering of Article 50 of the Lisbon Treaty the more annoyed and suspicious of her motives people get.

The argument being foisted upon the Nation by number 10 is that she is being naturally cautious because she wants the best possible deal for the UK. This is simply not true. For Mrs May and the majority of Tory Mandarins the best deal would be to stay in the European Union.

To this end she is delaying invoking Article 50 for as long as she possibly can.  Don’t forget for one moment that this woman is a very astute politician. She is in the job that she has always craved for and you can bet that she intends to be in it for a very long time. 

As Home Secretary she spent six years absorbing and deflecting criticism, Followed the EU diktat and reduced the UK Border Force to ineffective. Made swinging cuts to the police force and then had the temerity to criticise the police at their own conference for not doing enough to fight crime and, especially, for not doing enough to investigate crime within the Force itself. She announced that so concerned was she that she would put forward a Bill aimed at protecting whistleblowers within the police force.

In her we have a woman who is not afraid to face her critics and a politician with complete confidence in her own abilities so, when she says that she is in no hurry to trigger Article 50 you had better believe her. Telling the Nation that she wants the best possible deal is, as I have said just not true. She needs to invoke A50 as soon as possible in order for negotiations to start on the terms of the UK withdrawal.  The terms are dictated by the EU and we have no say in the matter so all of this globe trotting by the “Chosen Three” under the guise of pre-negotiation talks is just a crock of crap.

Read the following, taken from Open Europe, so as to get a better grasp on why I believe Mrs May is deliberately dragging her feet.

“Article 50 of the Treaty on European Union allows a member state to notify the EU of its withdrawal and obliges the EU to try to negotiate a ‘withdrawal agreement’ with that state – it involves five points laid out below.”

1 “Any Member State may decide to withdraw from the Union in accordance with its own constitutional requirements.

2 A Member State which decides to withdraw shall notify the European Council of its intention. In the light of the guidelines provided by the European Council, the Union shall negotiate and conclude an agreement with that State, setting out the arrangements for its withdrawal, taking account of the framework for its future relationship with the Union. That agreement shall be negotiated in accordance with Article 218(3) of the Treaty on the Functioning of the European Union. It shall be concluded on behalf of the Union by the Council, acting by a qualified majority, after obtaining the consent of the European Parliament.

3 The Treaties shall cease to apply to the State in question from the date of entry into force of the withdrawal agreement or, failing that, two years after the notification referred to in paragraph 2, unless the European Council, in agreement with the Member State concerned, unanimously decides to extend this period.

4 For the purposes of paragraphs 2 and 3, the member of the European Council or of the Council representing the withdrawing Member State shall not participate in the discussions of the European Council or Council or in decisions concerning it. A qualified majority shall be defined in accordance with Article 238(3)(b) of the Treaty on the Functioning of the European Union.

5 If a State which has withdrawn from the Union asks to rejoin, its request shall be subject to the procedure referred to in Article 49.”

It is no coincidence that the Tory Party had no intention of letting the lowly membership have a say in who was to become their new Leader. It was pre-ordained, the writing was on the wall as soon as Boris Johnson and then Gove were ceremoniously sidelined. I have no doubt that in Mrs May's eyes, BREXIT does indeed mean BREXIT. But it will be BREXIT on her terms and her idea of BREXIT that we get. 

We must not allow this to happen and to this end the 17.4 million who voted to leave must be on her case day in day out.

The argument that we do not have the number of trained negotiators required to carry out the task of leaving the EU is another lie. We have been offered help by several of our Commonwealth partners, most of whom are eager to strike up trade deals with the UK and because of this they would obviously look to get the very best deal that they can. 

Theresa May must be pressured into invoking A50 before the end of the year, shortly before or, just after the Conservative conference would be good.

The longer this drags on the more the insecurities grow within the public and the business community. We have done the first part and now we must be strong enough to carry through the will of the majority of the people by making sure that the government keeps its end of the bargain.

The doomsayers argue that we are heading down a path of self destruction, heading into an unknown world whereby we (the UK) have no option but to fail. I say, rubbish! We are on the brink of greatness and only those with limited vision or snouts glued to the EU trough cannot see this.

Even the economists have had to admit that they were wrong in their estimates of how far we would fall economically if we came out of the EU. Major companies are eager to stay and create jobs, the financial situation is not as good as we would like but it is nowhere near as bad as predicted, plus the signs look good for future economic growth.

So, Mrs May, are you going to throw caution to the wind and do as Cameron promised he would do? Had he kept that promise Article 50 would have been invoked on June 24th. So it is now up to you as his successor to uphold that promise and get yourself off to Brussels for a meeting with the unelected few.

Opinions

It would appear that it is now a crime to have or to voice an opinion.  According to the Left or Centre Right, if your opinion differs from their mantra or the status quo it is wrong and must be changed. By rule of Law if necessary.

Look at the debacle unfolding over the result of the Referendum. All who voted to leave the disastrous EU are sad victims of a mass delusion and a protracted  programme of lies and deceit perpetrated by the BREXIT campaigners. Never mind that the 17.4 million who voted to Leave are still subjected to a prolonged campaign of fear by the Main Stream Media and any Leftard luvvie who manages to get his or her face within a yard of a TV camera.

Their opinion does not matter and they must be persuaded that they made a terrible mistake on June 23rd. The real culprits were Boris Johnson and that terrible racist, Nigel Farage.  How dare they tell such outrageous lies! How dare they try to insinuate that the country pays to belong to the EU, everyone (at least everyone who matters), knows that the EU pays us, the UK, through generous subsidies and grants to be a member of this imperious gathering of unelected and unaccountable scroungers and near-do-wells. 

That is their opinion, The Establishment, and it is precisely because they were given a deserved bloody nose last month that we are being pilloried now. The opinions of the Establishment vary but on one thing the Establishment is very clear. Your opinion does not count! You were given one job, one chance at responsibility and you threw it away.  In the opinion of the majority of those who voted (73% of the Electorate) the United Kingdom would be more prosperous by not being a member of the European Union. Because of this the tabloid and Main Stream Media are picking away at all or any of the reasons given for leaving.

These range from a complete denial that we pay in excess of £350 million gross per day to the EU,  after all this is a complete lie. A lie made up by Boris Johnson and his LEAVE campaigners in order to try to win the economic argument. It cannot possibly be the truth because no less upstanding citizens of the people and seekers of the truth, Nicola Sturgeon, Amber Rudd and the adenoidal challenged Angela Eagle screamed out on live TV that it was not so. Unfortunately for them it is not an opinion but fact. We do pay this amount to the EU and it varies according to this country’s GDP figures. Something they all know but hey, why let a good fact get in the way of a untruthful rebuttal?

The rather stupid statement that this money would be given to the NHS when we leave the EU was, in my opinion, a shot in the foot. I doubt that any of this fee will be given to the NHS, and why should it. Any money handed over to this over burgeoned bureaucratic mini EU is a mistake. Before substantial funds are handed over the whole system needs to be re-thought, revised and re-organised. Nurses and nurse training needs to be heavily financed. Nurses deserve better than to be trained to be second class citizens. Unlike the greedy Junior doctors, the nurses deserve a 30% wage increase as a first step in the restructuring.

It is not just nursing that needs revising, the whole procurement system is a complete sham, £millions are wasted on a weekly basis, catering, cleaning and hygiene all wasteful. There would be no need to ship any of these departments into the Private sector if a streamlined management system was put into place. No more deputies for deputies or assistants for assistants and no more recycling of senior posts whereby senior managers are let go and given exorbitant pay offs, only to be re-employed in the same hospital or one near by in virtually the same position at a higher rate of pay. 

But, that is only my opinion!

In the opinion of the Left and most of the media, BREXIT has caused a massive escalation of racism, hate crime and homophobia. It has reached such a fever pitch that the government, in its effort to appease all but the majority have declared it illegal to commit any of the above. The only surprise being that they haven’t threatened the death penalty.

Figures are being banded about by the left wing media that hate crime has risen by   +X% or +Y% compared to this time one month ago. They don’t stipulate but the inference is that these ‘crimes’ are all perpetrated by young white people against anyone who is not White British. I would say that that in itself is a hate crime, certainly, it’s bordering on racism.

I definitely wont be hailing any black cabs in the future in case its a ‘honey trap’ and the hate crime police leap out and put the cuffs on me for being racist!

But, that is only my opinion!

I do not doubt for one minute that hate crime exists in this country in fact I would be surprised if it didn’t. However, hate crime takes many forms and I find it galling that in order to be a victim you have to be either foreign or of foreign extraction. Many UKIP members will attest to being verbally abused and subject to hate for being a member of what is wrongly perceived to be a far right wing Party. The fact that UKIP is to the Left of the present Tory government means nothing to the Leftards who see their seats and, therefore, their livelihoods going to UKIP.

So, to summarise: 

Having an opinion is a matter of opinion.

Hate crime is in the opinion of the opinionated victim.

Homophobia is in the opinion of the gender opinion of the opinionated victim.

Racism is in the opinion of the opinionated inferior persons perception of themselves as defenders of the perceived inferior.

This is only my opinion and, as such, feel free to discount it.

METAPHOR

   Voting day and the island was filled with optimism.  The Jackals were especially uproarious,  yelping and screaming at all who passed by.  In contrast, the Lions were subdued.  Theirs was a mood of reluctant acceptance of what was to come.  Were the ‘Kings’ about to be dethroned?
   Lions had truly been the “Kings of the Jungle” for the past eighteen years, riding roughshod over the opposition and anyone else who disagreed or stood in their way.  The economy of the island was built around hunting and the better the hunter the better the respect afforded to the hunter.  The Lions were excellent hunters although, some might say, the males of the species had become complacent - if not down right lazy - and began to leave the hunting to the ladies.  A good idea and an excellent distribution of responsibility, unfortunately their were not enough ladies in positions of power and the hunt began to suffer as a consequence.
   One memorable day, lets call it “Black Wednesday”, the hunt went completely awry and caused hardship throughout the island. Lack of foresight and a lapse in leadership led to a paucity of surplus which took years to overcome. You would have thought that having lived through such a disaster the Lions would have learned from their mistake and then moved forward in a more constructive and positive manner. Alas, no! The only ones to learn from the mistakes of the Lions were the Jackals and under new leadership they planned and schemed for the future.
   The Lions, ever arrogant and pompous, ignored the warning signs and carried on in their usual regal way.  As with most Dynasty of longevity, cracks began to appear and infighting became a blood sport. Still, the Lions had ridden out storms before and managed to retain their crowns and the majority of them could see no reason why this should not be the case again. After all, hadn’t the island always been generous to the Lions? Had they not brought the island back from economic disaster? Had they not proved the naysayers wrong?    
   However, they failed to see that this time the island was not in a forgiving mood, which was a pity because future events would show that change for change sake was a dangerous path to follow.  ‘Scandal’, was the pejorative term when referring to the Lions,  all were tainted, either by association or deed.  They only had themselves to blame,  in general their record was good but, was arrogance and self-indulgent greed to be their ultimate downfall?  

   Dawn the following day was greeted by a cacophony of yelps, barks, screeches and whoops as the Jackals strutted, swaggered and paraded.  The island had spoken and they now ruled the roost.  Jackals outnumbered Lions by a majority of 179, not only stealing their crown but effectively ripping out their claws and fangs in the process.  They were not about to let anyone forget the margin of their stunning victory and made sure that raucous celebrations continued well into the night.
   The island had wanted change and now it waited expectantly for that first note of change, the first hint that things would get better.
   It didn’t have to wait for long.  There were new Laws, new procedures and a swift cleansing of all things Leonine.   Hunting was no longer to be a priority, scavenging was to take over and to strengthen this new thinking, expert scavengers were brought over from other islands and adjacent lands.  The message went out, integrate with your new neighbours or suffer ignominy.  The roots of evil had been well and truly sown.
   Island scribes waxed lyrical about the new regime, optimism dripping from their pens by the bucketful and splashing across page after page.  Could the newly elected leader of the Jackals be the new Messiah?  It was question on every scribes lips.  Events during that first heady year of Jackal control certainly did nothing to suppress the optimism or quash the question.

   The Jackals had a cunning plan, one which they hoped would see them in power in perpetuity. It was a simple but dastardly scheme cooked up by the Dark Lord Jackal himself. He planned to dilute the indigenous Island population by bringing in low skilled species from foreign lands and, especially from the land of the Hyena. This was a land once ruled over by the mighty Lions, one which had been given back to the Hyenas many years ago but one which still had close ties to the Island.
   Under his scheming paws and with the full backing of the Jackal Council he freely advertised for immigrants in Hyena Land promising  subsidised travel to the Island, free accommodation, Scavenging Rights and the Right to practice their own vile religion plus the implementation of said religious Laws once on the Island. In essence he allowed them to build  their very own ‘Hyena Land’ and gave it the full protection of Jackal Law.
   Pretty soon the Hyenas started to migrate across the Island setting up enclaves and new colonies.  All had the protection of the Jackals and these communities also profited from generous Jackal Council handouts.
   The Jackal propaganda machine was put into overdrive.  Islanders were told how lucky they were to have such diverse immigrants amongst them.  They were encouraged to welcome the Hyenas and to name and shame any Islander who spoke out against the Hyena or the immigration policy.  It worked, Jackals believed in the old adage that if you told the same lie forcefully enough and often enough it would become fact. This is precisely what happened and the Dark Lord was ecstatic.
     However, matters were not as rosy as painted by the Jackal propaganda machine.  The Dark Lord was thrown out of the Jackal Cabinet for nefarious activities and would not return for a further ten months. Even this return was short-lived because once again he was caught up in scandal. This time the scandal involved passport rigging and although cleared of any wrong doing, (probably more a case of knowing the right people and where the bodies were buried), he did not return to government for another eight years.
   Small protest Parties began to form. The Jackals and, for that matter, the Lions dismissed them as being just that, irrelevant protest groups.  One such group, the United Kinsman Island Party, consisting of disaffected Lions and people who just wanted their Island back, managed to struggle through despite the lack of finances and support.  Their day would come but they would have to wait many years before that day dawned.
   The years rolled by and the Jackals managed to win the next General Election with ease.   Social policies had been established with some written into Law,  by now the majority of the populace were under the spell of the charismatic Jackal leader. He could do no wrong, even when he blatantly flouted international Law the people would sooner blame others than him.  He dragged the Island into two foreign wars, both fought on a lie and both at the cost of hundreds of Islanders lives. If ever there was a time for the Lions to regain their famous roar it was then. Alas, they were having major problems of their own. Infighting amongst young bucks was holding them back. They desperately needed a leader who would bring them back together and give them direction. Shame on them that hubris and arrogance had seen them force the best leader, albeit a Lioness, out of office.  Had they left well alone, she may well have nurtured a future leader to replace her.  We will never know.
    Meanwhile the Jackals appeared to be going from strength to strength. In line with Jackal mentality, hunting was all but forgotten.  Even scavenging, which was the very essence of Jackal way of life, had been abandoned. No matter, the Jackal hierarchy had made it possible for anyone to live off the State with the minimum of checks and for little or no reason.  Hyenas and other immigrants exploited this to the full and, why not?  When the State indicates that there is a limitless pot of money and that said money is there for the taking, why not take full advantage of it?
   Still the Lions were silent.

   To consolidate the position of the Jackals as the true leaders of the Island, the hierarchy put the second part of their Grand Plan into action. The mainland was ruled by Jackals and they had formed a union of countries. The aim of the unelected leaders of this union was to rule the whole of the mainland and the seas around it. The Island hierarchy saw this as an opportunity for continuous power. They lied to the Island population, telling them that full integration with the Mainland Union was not what they wanted, rather, a (vague) trade deal.  However, it soon became apparent that this was but a front for full integration into the Union. This was all helped through by the Dark Lord who was now a Commissioner to the Mainland Union.
   Immigrants were flooding in from the mainland, taking jobs and housing from the indigenous Islanders. The Dark Lords scheme to bring in Hyenas by the boatload was also proving to be a great success for the Jackals. However, one June morning the peace of the Capital was shattered when bombs planted by four Hyenas caused mayhem and devastation.
   The foul, cowardly deed was not carried out by outside forces but by Hyenas born and bred on the Island.  The Jackal propaganda machine, once again, went into overdrive.  These were not bad Hyenas but youths disaffected by Island society and radicalised by unsavoury Hyenas. They failed to mention that the Hyenas doing the hate preaching were living the high-life off the State and that there was nothing the State could do about it because of Laws passed by the Mainland Union!
   However, the Islanders were placated and life carried on. Were the Islanders not used to such atrocities? Were they not steely enough to turn a blind eye and carry on as normal? In fact, this was the message pumped out by the Jackal propaganda machine over and over again.  It was designed to make the Islanders feel good about themselves, make them feel invincible, show the Hyena that this Island population would not be cowed by such acts of violence.
   Meanwhile treaties were signed; without the consent of the Islanders, which gave away the fishing grounds, control over farming and scavenging, hunting and Islanders Rights.
    Islanders woke up one fine June day to find that their lives were being, pretty much, run from the Mainland.  Still the Islanders trusted the Jackals, maybe because they had fostered an air of apathy throughout the land, maybe because there was no real opposition  to these overbearing overlords. Whatever the reason, the Islanders put the Jackals in power for a third term at the next General Election.

   It was during this third term in office that the wheels finally began to wobble on the great Jackal juggernaut. Infighting took place, old rivalries came to the fore and battle lines were drawn. The leader of the Jackal pack was forced to resign by the evil one-eyed Jackal of the Lair, who had, for the past ten years, controlled the Island economy.  
   This unnecessary act of spite was to see the downfall of the insidious Jackal pack. The new leader proved to be arrogant, incompetent, and duplicitous.  One might say, all of the attributes required in a leader of a pack of Jackals.
   The civil war within the Jackal cabal gave the Lions the impetus that they required and with a new leader they began to find their roar; if not their bite.  The new leader was young and ambitious, a Lion who saw his destiny as leader of the Island.  It was a shame therefore, that he saw the future of the Island as part of the Mainland Union.
   The One-Eyed jackal of the Lair wasted no time in consolidating the Island’s ties with the Mainland. Once again, and in line with arrogant Jackal policy, the Islanders were not consulted about matters which would seriously affect not only their lives but the lives of their offspring and their offspring.  However, he did not have the courage to sign this new Treaty along with all the other Jackals from the mainland. No, he arranged to sneak in at the dead of night in order to sign away nearly all that was left of Island Sovereignty.
   On his return, he received some much deserved criticism for the way that he had conducted himself and for not consulting the Islanders about this clandestine deal which he had signed off on their behalf with the Mainland Union.  In an act of pure desperation he even had the temerity to bring the Dark Lord out of retirement and back into Cabinet.
   Leading the critics was a young Lion, recently chosen to lead the United Kinsman Island Party. He wanted to know why The One-Eyed Jackal had refused to give the Islanders the promised referendum before sneaking off to the Mainland to sign the Treaty.  Like all other critics of this useless Jackal, he got no answer.
  To prove just how incompetent this Jackal was, he had the chance to lead the Jackals to a fourth consecutive victory but decided against it. Instead he took the ridiculous decision to let Parliament run its full term before calling a General Election.
   This decision made the Lions roar, not only that, they got their fangs back. They began to look, if not like the Lions of old, like a good copy.  Their dynamic leader was, unfortunately, less dynamic than the Island press portrayed him to be.  He was another product of the “Pride Elite”, one of those privileged Lions who knew the right Lions and was seen in the ‘right’ places.  Most of this could probably have been forgiven but for the fact that his public persona was flawed. He refused to give a straight answer to a straight question and was useless when pitted against his peers in open debate.
    This trait led him to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory at the subsequent General Election.  The One-Eyed Jackal held a very slim majority albeit not enough to rule. He hoped that the Wild Dogs would give him their allegiance and form a coalition thus enabling him to carry on as leader.
   This was not to be as they threw their weight behind the Lions and formed a coalition with them instead.

   So, after thirteen long years of mis-rule and deception the reign of the Jackals was finally over. The young Lion was made leader and took the Wild Dog leader as his second in command.
   The full extent of the shambles and incompetence of the Jackals began to unravel almost immediately.  Not only had they borrowed on a massive scale to finance their ridiculous welfare programme, they had raided the savings and pensions of millions of Islanders in order to try to balance the books.
   Repairing the damage done by the insidious Jackals would take years, if not decades. Meanwhile, the Hyenas have been slowly eating away at the Establishment.  Infiltrating schools, subjecting the young to unimaginable misery and undermining the very fabric of Island life. The authorities seem unwilling to do anything about this threat and anyone standing up and talking about it is vilified or, worse, arrested.
   Island life will never be the same again thanks to the apathy of the Islanders during the thirteen years that the Jackals were in charge. Never again must the Island have such perverse rulers

HYPOCRITES ANONYMOUS CONTINUED

  

Welcome once again to Hypocrites Anonymous, a volunteer organisation dedicated to those in society whom truly believe that the feelings of gross insincerity that they hold is a gift. Of necessity we have an ‘open book’ policy and work on the basis of complete transparency. Our doors  always being open to those poor unfortunates in denial and dwelling in the realms of fantasy. 

Today I want to inform you of a case, an ongoing case, concerning a man who is deeply troubled. This man had Das Kapital surgically implanted into his brain cavity soon after birth. I tell you this, not to gain your sympathy nor, to offer it as an explanation as to the man’s condition. I refer, of course, to one Edward Samuel Miliband. A man so tied in a knot of hypocrisy that he became the metaphoric Cain to his brother’s Abel. He has presented us with a difficult case because, although it was alleged in some Tory circles that he was next in line for the post of ‘Village Idiot’ until plucked from obscurity at an early age by Tony Benn, the MP for Chesterfield, his mind works in ways unfamiliar to right thinking people.  

Strangely, he was referred to this facility by a Mr McCluskey. I say ‘strangely’ because Mr McCluskey is a man not unfamiliar with matters of hypocrisy but is typical of those who can identify the symptoms in others whilst ignoring their own misgivings. Non-the-less, disparagement aside, young Sammy Miliband is a highly intelligent person. This is due to the fact that for most of his waking life he has been in some form of education programme. He went to Oxford in 1989 and left three years later with an upper second class Bachelor of Arts degree. Three years later, on the advice of the ‘One-Eyed Man o’ The Manse’ Gordon Brown, who was then Shadow Chancellor, our boy enrolled in the LSE where he obtained a Masters in economics. However, my therapists tell me that in their opinion it was whilst working for Gordon that young Sammy’s troubles began. He became duplicitous; some might argue that this trait was already there, ask any member of the SNP who was around in the run-up to the first devolved Scottish Parliament election.

Ever ambitious he decided to stand for election but, having grafted and grovelled for years at the feet of such (supposed) luminaries as Tony Benn, Gordon Brown and Harriet Harman he was not prepared to stand in just any seat. The Labour Party scrabbled around until they could find him a rock-solid, safe Labour constituency in which to stand, hence he is now the sitting MP for Doncaster North. We believe that the full extent of his duplicitous nature came to the fore during the Labour Party leadership election in 2010. To give credence to our findings we cite the fact that he was endorsed by the Father-of-All Duplicity, former Labour Party leader Neil Kinnock. This man, gifted in gross troughery and buffoonery, stated that Ed had ‘the capacity to inspire people and, that he had strong values and the ability to lift people.’  (One of my therapist is still on sick leave because of this pronouncement).

Sadly our task here is going to be a long and sometime painful exercise. We have discovered that, apart from his duplicitous traits, his delusions of sincerity and the feigning of illusionary beliefs he also suffers from short term memory loss. It appears that he remembers very little post 1992 or, it could be that his duplicitous nature dictates that his memory is selective of matters said and done by him between 92 and 2013. Like his Scottish mentor, “Fiscal Brown’ he shows a complete lack of trust in the British people. It matters not to him that ordinary, decent working men and women used to look to the Labour Party for fairness and guidance. What matters to him and something that we must adjust in his psyche whilst he is here, is that he holds onto his job at all costs and looks good in the eyes of his paymasters in Brussels.  His ruthless selfishness and total disregard for his fellow man plus his penchant for saying one thing and doing another, holds him in good stead for this. 

Never fear, we will do our best to treat this simple man and try to undo all of the complicated socialist doctrine knots which fetter his small brain. Hypocrisy in the corridors of power must be eradicated and here at Hypocrites Anonymous we are trying to do our best to tackle this epidemic.

(IT ALL STARTED SO WELL!) Another Day in the Life of Cammy & Cleggy

In a secret military bunker situated in, what was, the snug at The Dog & Duck, just off the Old Kent Road, two well dressed Public School Old Boys are reading the Evening Standard whilst eating a late lunch of Cheddar cheese and asparagus tips. Close to the right hand of each man is a foaming pint of Fullers Best.

The air is thick with imagined smoke as both men puff hard on their respective Nicotinel Inhalators; gifts from Bernie Ecclestone. On the wall are several prints, one of which is of Margaret Thatcher. She is nude at a piano with only two milk bottle tops to cover her assets. If you look closely you can spot Dennis; his reflection is apparent in the right hand milk bottle top. It is said that the original photograph was taken when Mrs Thatcher was on tour as a Calendar Girl. It is further said that it was whilst on that particular tour that she got her deep hatred of miners. 

Apparently, she was working for the Grimethorpe Colliery at the time as a kick start operator in the winding gear shed. What her employers didn’t know was that Dennis had got her a job at the local Conservative Club, moonlighting as an exotic cloak room attendant. One of the cast of The Calendar Girls saw her in there one night and got her another job as a replacement for Miss July, who had to retire because of a bad case of gout.

She was reported to the colliery by a disgruntled fan, whom she refused to acknowledge even though he used to march up to the stage twirling batons and singing “Maggie May” at the top of his voice. The aim, though futile, was to impress the lady.

His name was Micky Hesletine and the bosses at Grimethorpe were so grateful, they gave him her old job. However, he soon tired of this and moved down south where he was head hunted by a prominent helicopter manufacturer and became a lobbyist.

The silence in the room was only broken by the rustling of newspaper and the odd fart. Suddenly, one of the toffs throws down his newspaper in disgust and, before turning to his companion, picks up his pint and downs it in one. Then, smacking his lips he completes his turn and says:

Cleggy ‘I say Prime Minister, have you seen what the one eyed son of the manse has done?’

Cammy ‘Sold Scotland’s battered Mars bar reserves!’

Cleggy ‘Be serious PM!’

 Cammy ‘I am being serious!’

Cleggy ‘It’s the Honours List! Have you seen it?’

Cammy ‘God! No, am I on it?’

Cleggy ‘Derr! Of course not! You’re supposed to write a List as well.

Cammy ‘Nobody told me!’

Cleggy ‘Well you had better get one written pretty damn sharpish! Her Maj will be really 

           disappointed if you don’t give her one!

                                               

Cammy ‘Shall I put that fellow Laws on it?’

Cleggy ‘Better not PM, there’s something you should know about him.’

Cammy ‘Oh yes, what’s that then?

Cleggy ‘He’s been on the fiddle, slight matter of giving 40 grand to his puffter partner for lodgings.’

Cammy ‘My God! Does one have to have - how shall I put it? - leanings - to be a LibDem?

Cleggy ‘I don’t know what you mean, how dare you?’

Cammy ‘Easily, I’m the PM! Now, what did you want to tell me about the Great One Eyed Wonder?’

Cleggy ‘Oh, yes! He’s only put John - sorry Pauline - Prescott through for a peerage! I            

                  mean, the man was a bloody 

                  waiter  on the P&O Line! It wouldn’t surprise me to see that he’s recommended          

                 Tracy Temple for an OBE! Then

                  there’s that Scottish thug, John Read, he’s going to be swathed in ermine as well!’

Cammy ‘Slow down, Nicky, old son. We’ll just pass new legislation to half the number of         

                  Peers; sort of first come first serve basis, which means we can boot them out in six  

                  months.'

                  

Cleggy ‘Ooh PM, I love it when you’re assertive, it gives me goose bumps. can I call you       

                 Cammy?’

Cammy ‘No! It’s Prime Minister and don’t you forget it!’

Cleggy ‘Ooh!’

Cammy: ‘Because I like you, you can call me “Cammy” but, only behind closed doors.

Got It!’

Cleggy: ‘Wait until I tell Miriam, she’ll be thrilled!”

Cammy:‘ Run along to your little hacienda and inform your bit of Spanish totty whilst I go and  

                  see the vicars daughter.’

Cleggy: “Who?’

Cammy: ‘That old boiler Theresa May, now piss off cos I’ve got Prime Minister things to do!’